Saturday, April 18, 2015

Where I've Been


It has been an unseemly Spring.  The juxtapostion of seeing flowers bloom in the winter of my Mother's life.  My Mother had a series of strokes about a month ago, combined with her increasing dementia, it hasn't been an easy time.  I've never had a moment in my life when I haven't in some way defined "time" by a rememberence or visualization of my Mother.  Her life, my life, our lives and the world that surrounded us both together and apart.  So many images, like the red dress just like the one she wore, holidays, poems and songs all convoluted into a whirlwind of now vanishing memories.

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments

It is so often the littlest of things, she asks "What were your favorite things I used to cook?"  And oh, if she could just smell Grandma's bread baking one more time.  Mother, when was the happiest time of your life?  "When I was living in the lake house.  Those where the happiest years."  In my mind I flip though the pictues of parties and celebrations.  Yes, that was a good time wasn't it.

I'm just now really getting back into the swing of things as my focus hasn't been on blogging or my shop.  While I will get back to the "regularly scheduled programing" right now I just want to be real. I'm a emotional creature, an introvert in many ways trying to break free of my communication limitations and just share.  In the end there is only love.  As Mother's Day approaches, in my mind I hear the Beatles song In My Life play, and I think yes, more than all the people and things that have gone before, in my life I love you more.  A 50's and 60's housewife, was so much more than the dress she wore.  One day I'll share.